His family quickly became my family. Dinners at their house were frequent and going along on family vacations quickly became the norm. I even met and built relationships with extended family, just as he did with mine. We loved each other’s families and they loved us. We’d spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. We shared the same friends because we both were meeting new people in the gay community together. We were each other’s everything. No one in this world knew us better than we did.
It’s hard not to have my confidant, my dearest friend, my rock and support, my smile on a rainy day, my sweet loving companion. The water welling up in my eyes is a sharp reminder of all I left behind. I left every sense of home and every sense of belonging. I left a network of friends and family and community. People who love me and whom I love dearly. It is a lot for one heart to take.
I try to remember there were reasons for choosing this path. That this seemed to be the path life wanted me to take. But so far all it is is darkness and unfamiliarity and it is hard to see the lesson or growth that might come of it. With each new step into this unknown territory comes a stronger yearning for the warmth and familiarity of home.
Time. Give it time.
The birth pangs of new life are always the most painful.ReplyDelete
Yes, I am learning that. On many occasions I've questioned whether I'm actually as strong as I thought.Delete